The Best Ways to Get Over a Breakup Once and For All
In the modern world, there are practically no cases when the first relationship turns out to be the only one, and the lovers stay together forever. Most of us have to go through at least two or three meetings and breakups to find the “right” person. And in some cases, the score goes to tens or more. And every time the same thing — euphoria from a new love and relationship, and then a difficult parting and the experiences associated with it.
Recently, the Journal of Positive Psychology published interesting results from a study related to breakups. Experts interviewed 155 young people who went through a breakup to find out how long it took them to deal with this and start living life again. The vast majority identified a period of three months. Of course there were those for whom this period was significantly shorter or much longer. But three months is the most common answer.
The question is how will you spend these three months? How will you deal with negative thoughts? And how soon can you take the first steps towards a new life? We decided to help people who are going through a breakup and give some useful tips about this.
Why do we take breakups so hard?
Attachment to a person is not only a psychological phenomenon, but also a physiological one. It is formed by the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin reduces fear and anxiety, increases the level of trust, triggers the mechanisms of empathy and attachment. And its development is facilitated by social intimacy — sincere conversations, touches, kisses, and so on.
When a relationship breaks up, oxytocin production decreases. Accordingly, anxiety, fear, self-doubt, anger and a desire to close off from the rest of the world arises.
Because of the lack of oxytocin, even the person who initiated it is having a hard time breaking up. Objectively, they understand that they did the right thing and the breakup was necessary, but at the same time they still suffer, they think that they could have done otherwise. And even that, perhaps, it is worth trying to get back together. Many live for months in this state of uncertainty and uncertainty. It is almost impossible to get rid of such experiences and doubts in the shortest possible time. But at least you can improve your psycho-emotional state, quickly accept your new reality and move on. Especially if you follow our advice.
7 tips to make your breakup easier
Tip 1: Raise your oxytocin level
Try to communicate more with friends, relatives and colleagues, warm up in a hot bath in the evenings, do yoga and meditation. This, on the one hand, will help to get a little distracted. On the other hand, it contributes to the production of oxytocin, albeit in small quantities. Changing your diet also helps a lot. Give up flour, dairy and fried foods. Eat more healthy fats. They are found in avocados, olive oil, nuts, olives, sea fish, dark chocolate and natural yogurt.
Tip 2: Start working out
Any physical activity helps to distract and switch. But do not make training chaotic and unsystematic. Try to train at medium to high intensity. The average will help you get used to physical activity, the high one will completely redirect your brain in a different direction.
Running, cycling, skiing and snowboarding, etc., also help to distract and reboot. And in the end, sports are useful. Any physical activity is much better than just lying on the couch and replaying bad thoughts in your head over and over again.
Tip 3: Take a vacation and go to another city or even a country
A radical change of scenery helps to completely reboot, and new impressions quickly crowd out unpleasant memories. But most importantly, in new places you will not have anything that would remind you of a broken relationship. There will be no streets where you walked holding hands, there will be no cafes where you sat in the evenings, there will be no other triggers that would make you plunge into memories over again.
You can go on such a journey by yourself or in the company of good friends. Perhaps with them it will be even easier to switch and enjoy your vacation. And in general, any communication in such a difficult period is especially important.
Tip 4: Make new acquaintances and communicate with new people
After a breakup, many people suddenly realize how small their circle of acquaintances is. And they come to the understanding that in this circle there is no person with whom it would be possible to start a new relationship in the future. In such a situation, the main thing is to establish new social ties.
There are many ways to expand your circle of acquaintances. You can use a classic dating site like Match, Hinge, Badoo or Tinder. Or you can choose an alternative — cam to cam chat. For example, Omegle, Chatspin or CooMeet.
Chatroulette in many cases is even preferable, because it leaves no chance for your indecision to take over. The site simply connects you with a random person via video link, and you start chatting. Without filling in profile data, swipes, submitting yourself to various controversial matchmaking algorithms and other things. Just talking to interesting people. Try it, you will like it!
Tip 5: Try to remove any reminders of the former partner
The fewer such reminders left, the better. Delete the photos you shared from your phone, return your ex’s stuff, and throw away the stuff neither of you needs. Rearrange, update your own wardrobe, go to other places and change your leisure time. The more changes you have at the household level, the faster you will adapt and the easier it will be to endure the break up. This means that you will soon be able to completely reboot and continue to live to the fullest.
Tip 6: Don’t try to numb the pain of a breakup with alcohol.
A very serious misconception is that you can drown out bad emotions and feelings with the help of alcohol. Anyone who has done this will attest that it only gets worse. Alcohol only aggravates the condition, and you begin to think even more about your ex-partner. Moreover, in a state of intoxication, a person is prone to rash, sometimes even dangerous actions for them and those around them. Alcohol promotes the release of stress hormones, which in itself is bad. And it causes physiological dependence, negatively affects the state of health, impairs metabolism and can lead to the appearance of excess weight.
Tip 7: Make a list of all the good things you have
After break up, it may seem that the whole world has collapsed, and there is absolutely nothing good left around. But that’s not true. Yes, now you are going through a difficult period, but everything else that was good that you had remains with you. If you do not realize this fact easily, you can use a trick.
Take a blank sheet of paper, a pen, and make a list of all the good things you have. Favorite music, a pet, the taste of hot coffee, a smiling neighbor, whatever. Do not hesitate, and in just a couple of minutes there will be dozens of items on the list. Take a look at them to understand — everything is fine! You have many more things for which it is worth not just living, but also enjoying life!
To sum up — life goes on!
It’s unlikely that you’ll find among your friends and acquaintances anyone who never experienced a breakup. This is an unpleasant and difficult event that leaves a heavy mark for weeks and months. But this trial will not last forever. Of course, you should not try to replace the broken relationship with a new one as soon as possible and start dating someone after a week or a month. This is a spontaneous and rash decision, which can only do harm.
We recommend that you follow our advice, try to look at the situation objectively, do not break other social ties and just move on. In the first weeks, in any case, it will not be easy, because the whole format of life is changing. But time will pass, you will feel freer every day, and new acquaintances will help you return to your old life even faster. And you can not even doubt that the new relationship will surely turn out to be even better than the previous one. The main thing is to never lose hope and never give up!